I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
