He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Never joke about your clitoris.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
