1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
