I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
