she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
