Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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