He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
