If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
