I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
