do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
