So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
