i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize