I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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