ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
