i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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