I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
