I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
