I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
