That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
