if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
