the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize