Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize