I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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