census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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