if i can run in heels then i can drive
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
