i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize