Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
