just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
