Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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