His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
