Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
