Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
They took my balls.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize