ya dads aren't the best wingmen
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
