i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
