She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
