I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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