is this the sara with the beer cane?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
