oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
