Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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