toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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