i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
