Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
