The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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