his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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