She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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