I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
