we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
