He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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