Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
