Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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