Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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