She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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