I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
