Its about making memories worth repressing
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
