I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
