i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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