I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
