remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
