the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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