I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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