You just made me feel so damn special
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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