This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize