Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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