just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
