I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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