Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
