I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
if you like me you must not know who I am
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
