so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
