the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
