just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
