She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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