the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
