My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just want to make out with him forever
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
