How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
