I got chris browned last night
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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