How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
