so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
