i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
