Don't you send me to vm
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize