I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
