Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
