just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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