How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
