Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
