dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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