apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
