I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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