I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
