Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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